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Aftershow Bond Party 23/03/18
Move over Danny Craig, there’s a new Bond in town and that Bond is me.
As far as I am concerned, you can shove all your gadgets up Q’s arse. There is only one piece of equipment that is crucial to being the ultimate Bond and that is the safari suit. Connery didn’t have one, Moore came close. Brosnan and Dalton don’t even count and Lazenby can just shut his puss.
That is all.
Napier 22/03/18 (Europcar forecourt Napier Airport)
Van hire firm screwed up this morning. They rented the last people carrier out to a troupe of Boy Scouts. The only transport fit for purpose was this Toyota yellow submarine fun bus.
I love it.
That is all.
Day off. 20/03/18. Sugar Loaf Reserve, Ports Hill, 1620 ft above sea level
This mountaineering lark is a doddle. We climbed it in no time at all. No need for any safety equipment or oxygen either. Even Simon tackled the north face wearing nothing but a pair of sturdy flip flops and sensible shorts.
We met Dennis the elusive ‘Man Of The Mountain’ who told us his amazing story about life on the hill and how he climbed it as a child and integrated himself with the wildlife. Frankly, I thought he was talking shit and told him so.
That is all.
Day Off, Christchurch 20/03/18
Well thanks guys for leaving me to park the gig ambulance on my own, you know how confused I get in my old age.
Do I park in the space that generates good vibrations or abandon it in the disabled space again?
That is all.
Christchurch, New Zealand 19/03/18
Well that’s us just touched down in Christchurch. Mark has found a new place to dwell, Simon looks worried and Scott stands back in amazement as Jamie fingers a Belisha beacon. Looks like the aliens are coming.
That is all.
Luna Park. St Kilda 18/03/18
Australia, thank you so much for your support and hospitality over the past two weeks. We have had an absolute ball (and I don’t mean Skippy’s scrotum). Great to meet up with locals as well as old friends from back home. We will return next year.
Next we fly to New Zealand next for the last week of our adventure.
That is all.
Melbourne 17/03/18
Melbourne you were fantastic tonight! Meet local legend Big Andy Inkster. Andy has in his hands the very rare Australian release of our first single ‘Harvest Home’ while Mark and I have Skippy’s sawn off scrotum in ours.
I can honestly say that this is the first time someone has actually bought me a body part. Not sure what I will keep in it though, maybe some plectrums or used bus tickets. Maybe some of you good people could come up with some suggestions.
That is all.
Sydney (Day 2), 16/03/18
We’ve had a few support acts over the years and this is one of them.
Ladies and gentlemen, please let me introduce you to Little Johnny Sputnik from local beat combo, ‘Simply Shit.’ Abandoned as a child, Johnny was brought up in the outback by woodtinks. He was so ugly when he fell out of his mother’s pouch, the midwifes actually slapped her for dropping such an ugly baby into the world.
Growing up he discovered loud guitar music and he learned to play guitar the hard way, he broke into Bert Weedon’s house and made Bert teach him one song per day, mainly polkas and some Jimmy Shand shit. But look at him now, a small yet perfectly formed rock star in the making. Johnny, you rock and we salute you.
That is all.
P.S. Happy birthday, Eggo and huge thanks to Josh Shipton from Panic Syndrome.
Sydney (Day 1), 15/03/18
Well, it’s farewell to Brisbane and hello to Sydney which will be home for the next two days. The good news is Dr Quinn Medicine Woman is still on the air down here, but the bad news is that those bloody do gooders at Environmental Health Australia have shut down Watson Towers.
The picture below was taken by local lad, Scott Whitley. If you look closely you will find Wally lurking in the shadows. If you find him don’t reply, just poke yourself in the puss with a sharp ferret.
That is all.
Brisbane, 14/03/18
Well that’s the deposit put down on the new residence. Just as Michael Jackson had Neverland, we have Watson Towers, a place where Australian and Scottish people can mix freely without ridicule. We will be introducing highland style games where kangaroos slug it out with wee ned b*stards. Pop-up shops selling delicacies from the bush and freshly caught haggis from the borders and, my personal favourite, Australian rules snooker. All of the above usually end up in a fight, so it’s winner winner chicken dinner all round.
Brisbane you rocked like there was no tomorrow.
That is all.