Akron, Ohio the next day.

22/08/13

Are we not men? We are Loco. I decided to spend an extra day in Akron. Well, I had to. I was playing a show. And what are you lot laughing at? No. it’s not a flower pot or even a hat. It’s a Devo energy dome and I love it. And before you lot start typing ‘Is it Bill or Ben’ just remember that these energy domes were responsible for some of the most original music to come out of America in the late 70’s. Devo, I salute you as well as the wonderful city that is Akron.

(Just after I posted this, a kid drove past me on a moped and called me Lego Head. I hate kids, they’re weird.)

That is all.

Akron, Ohio

21/08/13

News just in. Big Country to expand line up for next album and tour. Here we see the guys having a jam with The Rubber City Rollers. That’s Johnny ‘Two Lips Becker’ ripping it up on sousaphone while blowing his top at the back; ‘Lungs’ Lafferty makes that euphonium his own. Let’s not forget on backing vocals and triangle the amazing Rubber Jenny Brown. Sure plays a mean trombone.

Mmmmmm that’s nice

That is all

Date: Unknown.
Location: In North America, possibly in a state.

The Dean and I.

Hum drum days and a hum drum ways. Hey kids. Let me tell you how I met your mom. So sung Kevin and Lawrence along with their 10 cubic centimetres of pure pop genius back in ’73. Well, boys. Never mind that. While you lot were loading up your rubber bullets and smooching in the dark with the Dean’s daughter, I was out there in Alcholand hanging out with the man himself. That’s right, James Dean. (Check out my picture if you don’t believe me) Although the conversation was a little flat, he told me he was most appreciative to be immortalized in their song.

He also had a soft spot for David Essex.

I better go, Ethel Merman just showed up.

That is all.

16/08/13 (Part 2)

Belmar, New Jersey

Well, I never did manage to find “The Boss”, but I did find his Fender Esquire on the corner of 10th Avenue and E Street in Belmar. Crikey! He must have hands like tractor shovels. Weighing in at a hefty 150 pounds, this axe is massive and at eight foot in length. Bruce must have arms like a mountain gorilla. Heaven knows how he can do a 4 hour show with this beast strapped around his shoulders. Maybe he is made from titanium. Maybe he’s a superhero, a superhero called Titanium Man that protects the badlands of New Jersey with his mighty weapon. Maybe I have been on the road too long.

Bruce I love ya and New Jersey rocks.

16/08/13 (Part 1)

Asbury Park, New Jersey

Weapon of Choice number 3

Well here we are back where we started all those months ago on the Jersey Shore. We are at the Wonderbar again which is now becoming my favourite east coast gig. The guitar in my hand is a beautiful DBZ Bolero Calavera which I rescued around a month ago in a sorry state. Mickey V has done wonders with her and she is now my latest squeeze. Behind me on the wall is the famous reproduction of the Tillie mural. Boy! What a smile. I feel so good I think I will go and search for Springsteen.

That is all.

Landen, Ohio

11/08/13

I’m a cowboy. On a steel horse I ride. I’m wanted dead or alive. So sang New Jersey boy, Jon Bon Jovi on his 1986 hit ‘Wanted Dead or Alive’. Well Jon, as you can see below I am also a cowboy riding on a steel horse. Exhibit A is the wonderful cowboy hat which fits me like a hat, and as for the steel horse check out Exhibit B. A beautiful vintage Ford Ferguson 8N tractor. That’s right: The one with the 4 speed transmission and position control for the hydraulics. Boy! This baby sure is a smooth ride. I simply unhook it from the bus and trundle off down to Walmart for the day’s supplies. I do get some strange looks from the locals. But hey! I’m a guy that gets things done.

Keep on trucking.

That is all.

Strawberry Fields, Central Park West, Manhattan, New York.

06/08/13

We caught the train from Harrison and got off at the World Trade Center. I made this journey in 2006 with Derek and the ‘Four Good Men’. At that time it was out of bounds and flat, but now towering in the sky is the Freedom Tower. She looks magnificent. It is a strange feeling as basically you are visiting a construction site as well as a memorial. I feel like an intruder in this on-going work.

The subway beckons and we disembark at Times Square, walk up past the ‘other’ Carnegie Hall and onwards to Central Park. I take Jamie and Sarah to the Dakota building and stand at the entrance. It feels strange, almost like when I stood on the grassy knoll weeks ago.

We head over the Hudson to Hoboken for a bite to eat then end up at base camp in Secaucus. The good bus ‘Endurance’ is gleaming under the moonlight. She has been cleaned from head to toe. Ray has had the linen changed and she smells like a thousand red roses. Sod it! Break out the Yuengling. I am staying at my good friend John’s’. There’s a Rocky movie on.

That is all

Niagara Falls. Canada.

03/08/13

Gee, but it’s great to be back home. Home is where I want to be. I’ve been on the road so long my friend……. So sung Paul Simon on his legendary hit ‘Keep The Customer Satisfied’

Well Paul, at the risk of sounding like a right Garfunkel, I am not back home nor am I satisfied.

One month to go before the end of the tour. Apollo 13 has been behaving herself and Ray our new astronaut is steering us safely all the way. Niagara, what can I say? You may have a couple of large waterfalls but as for the rest of you, well Blackpool on a wet Tuesday springs to mind.

I went for an Indian meal alfresco (Canadian for eating in the rain). I asked the waiter for a vindaloo and he looked at me like I was Helen Reddy. ‘Too hot’ he warned me. I replied that being Scottish, it was our national dish and that all our food is founded on a bet anyway. He kept checking on me every 5 minutes to make sure I wasn’t overheating.

Not sure where the children are tonight, probably looking at the illuminations. Jamie is so desperate to get home that he tried to throw a sickie by saying he was coming down with a touch of legionnaire’s disease from the maid of the mist journey at the waterfall.

As you can see Derek is now beginning to feel the strain. Canada I love you.

That is all.

Manchester, New Hampshire

28/07/13

Pull my finger.

Yes, I know that’s an ancient gag that old people do with their grandchildren, but spare a thought for poor Will. He actually decapitated the top of his finger of on the tour bus door. To ease the pain he went to a tattoo convention and got the name of his elderly Aunt Betty inked onto his knuckles. Unfortunately, due to his Welsh accent and the tattooist being dyslexic you can see the result above. Needless to say, Betty did see the funny side and promised to give him a right good smacker on the lips when he gets home.

That is all.

Place: Don’t know

Date: Don’t care

It’s just over half way through the North American tour. Derek, Mike and Will are in their bunks and the children are in a hotel room. Mark has abandoned ship to stay with John in New Jersey. Let’s hope John doesn’t shoot him accidentally as he tinkers with his car. All is quiet on the good bus Titanic apart from a distant snore and the sound of a lonely fart wafting through the Alaskan Highway. Watching 24 on TV but after 3 episodes I can’t make out what Kiefer Sutherland is saying. Maybe he needs to take lessons from Christian Bale.

Missing home, missing my wife, my son and cat. Missing the strawberries and onions that I planted months ago. Missing the guys from the dockyard too. Bet that hunk of steel looks ship shape and seaworthy now. Man, I am either homesick or I got a goddamn case of the blues.

Here is a picture of my accommodation. Cougars keep out.

That is all.